Smaller house: (sneeze)

Bigger house: You okay?

Smaller house: I think I’m getting a cold.

Bigger house: Sure it’s not a case of man-sion flu?

Smaller house: Oh-oh very... (coughing)

Bigger house: You’re in awful condition, has your landlord done an inspection lately?

Smaller house: What’s an inspection?

Bigger house: Hmmm...I see. Have your tenants brought it up?

Smaller house: They’ve coughed a bit, if that’s what you mean.

Bigger house: Do they open your windows once in a while? They’re supposed to.

Smaller house: I think they’re all painted shut. Hang on, I’ll try and force one of them open... ... no. They’re not moving.

Bigger house: Mine work fine. Ahh.

Smaller house: My piles are playing up as well...

Bigger house: Poor thing! If you’re a landlord, you should do regular inspections and must maintain the property in a reasonable state.

Make sure there are working smoke alarms, heating and drainage.

Make sure it can be ventilated and the insulation complies with the current regulations.

And tenants, you need to keep the place tidy and clean, get some fresh air into it, leave the smoke alarms where they are, and tell the landlord if something’s wrong, like blocked drains or sticky windows, ok?

There’s more info on this website.

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